Or Die Trying…

Today I’ve experienced one more in a long string of setbacks both personally and professionally.  It happens so often, that it’s really something I’ve mostly learned to take in stride, but there was something about the vehemence and conviction in this person’s voice today (against all things me) that makes me wonder am I so completely off and feckless and this person is the only one that sees it, or are they just completely off their f*cking nut and I should just move away slowly and say a brief prayer for their terrible and tormented soul?

Not sure really.  On any given day I can wake up and be confronted with negativity and strife, and in recent days, I haven’t even had the opportunity to wake up, as insomnia has set in, and most of my “down time” spent in bed where I’d prefer to sleep has instead been replaced with nihilistic thoughts of destruction and despair.  For some reason, recently, I can’t help but hear the mantra of pseudo-50-Cent in the  Boondocks episode “…Or Die Trying“, and it makes me think of the motivation behind someone, anyone who adopts the mentality of “Get Rich, Or Die Trying“.

Thinking that way takes a commitment.  A strong commitment.  One that says, “I’ll do anything to make it big or die in the pursuit of my dreams“.  The tenacity behind the statement is something that I can understand as a struggling entrepreneur and wayward former member of the traditional workforce, however it scares me to think how much morality probably gets slayed in the ultimate pursuit of capitalism.

This started me to thinking: “Do I have a ‘Get Rich or Die Trying’ mentality?“.  My answer to that was: YES.  One thing is certainly clear: I AM GOING TO DIE.  The only think that’s “Up In The Air” is WHEN.  I’ve decided that moving forward, I’m willing to do everything that it will take to make my entrepreneurial dreams come true, and short of that, I’ll have reached my demise, but it won’t be for lack of trying!

The Tough Get Going…

I realize that life isn’t supposed to be easy.  I also know that starting and running a business is hard.  Here lately, I’ve been running into even more adversity as I’m trying to start a business with NO MONEY.  I HAD money.  And surely have invested it into my venture to date, but I’ve run out of it.  I’m literally at the point where I don’t know how I’m going to keep a roof over my head, nor where my next meal is coming from (ok, the meal part is a bit metaphoric, since I do have food in the fridge, but you get the gist).

Anywhoo, the intent of this post is not to lament my various financial shortcoming and the impending implosion of the “financial house of cards” that is my life, but more so to talk about encouragement, or THE LACK THERE OF.

A few months ago, I read a quote by Futurist Sir Arthur Charles Clarke that said (paraphrased):

Every revolutionary idea evokes three stages of reaction:

1) “It’s completely impossible, don’t waste your time”.

2) “It’s possible, but it’s not worth doing”.

3) “I said it was a good idea all along”.

I’m convinced that my current business venture is one of those “Revolutionary Ideas” that could “change the game” and I’m partly convinced by that based on the reactions I’ve gotten from people.  When I first started out, people told me I was wasting my time, and I’d be better off just finding a job and working for someone else.  Then, after I kept at it, they said it was a good idea, but either discouraged me from pursuing it, or encouraged me to pick it back up 10-15 years from now.  Since I’ve currently hit the “make or break point” of my aspiring plans, the final phrase has yet to be uttered.

I’m a pretty resilient person.  I’m strong-willed and determined to succeed despite what others tell me.  It’s the ONLY way I’ve been able to get to where I am today (though admittedly, for many, where I am NOW isn’t all that impressive).  I’ve “cheated death” twice, and never saw a picture of myself beyond the age off 21, yet here I am a decade later, presumably still going strong.

I can get up every day, look in the mirror, and feel confident about myself, and the way I look, and the way I carry myself, and know that I’m comfortable in my own skin.  I’m finding, as time progresses, this is really all for naught, because when I leave my home, and have to interact with others, it’s becoming all too apparent that they are seeing something else.  And it’s not just something I’m projecting, but something that’s being projected onto me because of people and their own discomfort with themselves.   That last line not making any sense?  Not surprising.  I don’t even think people are aware of this themselves, as people rarely look that deep into their own psyches.

But moving on to the purpose behind this post.  I feel good about myself and my abilities, but it’s a damn daunting task getting up every day, and working towards a goal that no one really believes that you can achieve, and not having ONE PERSON to really and truly support you in the way that you need them to.  I have SELF-ESTEEM.  In fact, I think I’m pretty damn GREAT, but it would sure be nice if other people could see that too.  And I don’t need people to “worship” me, or give me false praise about my accomplishments or achievements, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say I would appreciate more people giving me TRUE POSITIVE ENCOURAGEMENT, instead of people pointing out 1000 reasons why everything I’m trying is going to fail!

Day after day, person after person, everyone has the same line: GIVE UP! Ten years ago, I could let those negative comments and expressions of discouragement roll off my back with ease, but now I’m finding that every put down, every negative comment, every deconstruction of a plan that I’ve set, is taking its toll.  It’s much harder these days to get up and face the world, much less the gloomy prospects of trying to grow a business with no money, and no access to friends, relatives, or acquaintances with money (or at least none willing to part with it).

Today I was given more “bad advice” about what I should do with my future.  I’ve been advised to sell drug, prostitute, bootleg movies, rob old people, and tell BETTER lies to the government in order to receive “public assistance“.  I’ve been encouraged to default on all my bills, close my checking accounts, change my phone numbers, and “live on the lam” for “however long it takes“.  I can now say consistently, that I continually receive negative to positive comments on a 6 negative to 1 positive basis.  What makes the positive comment LESS effective is that whenever I do get one, it’s from someone who doesn’t know me, and they’re just sending along well-wishes because it’s the polite thing to do.

I’m not sure if people know how disheartening it is to have the people closest to you bash you, while strangers are nice to you.  I realized a long time ago, that strangers can be nicer than kin.  It’s antithetical to how I was raised, but I’ve surely found it to be true.  In fact, I’m not SOLELY “depending on the kindness of strangers” because in lieu of no bank ever giving me a business loan, the only thing I have is the hope that some “angel investor” will swoop in, and give me the chance that only an “angel” could.

They say, “when the going gets tough, the tough get going“, but I wonder: How far are the tough supposed to go?

Honestly…I’m running out of gas!

Still Looking for a Federal Job?

Some of you may have read the recent news about the Census Bureau hiring 1,000,000 temporary workers in the next few months, and others are looking for permanent, long-term government employment. Whatever your situation, here are some “throwback tips” I put together on the topic:

For the Federal Job Seeker

Job Search Tips

 

Help me to help you by telling me more about your Federal Job Search, whether you’re deep into it, just started it, getting ready to give up, or still considering it.  Please fill out this brief survey and feel free to contact me if you need tips or advice on improving your Federal Employment Application:

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/HT2BDGW

Thanks to DryerBuzz’s posterous for getting the word out!

At the Intersection of HOPE and DESPAIR

In thinking about the name “Genius Deferred“, it was quite fitting that my location be “At the Intersection of HOPE and DESPAIR“.  After months of trying to make something of myself, and trying to CREATE A JOB as opposed to FIND A JOB with someone else, my back is now against the wall.  I have no more capital to put into my business, but more importantly, I have no more money to pay my bills and rent.  Essentially, in a few short weeks, I’ll be homeless and there isn’t much I can do to avoid this situation, and it won’t be for a lack of trying.

Some people have informed me of some social welfare programs that are out there, and I’m looking into them, but I don’t have a history of positive results from those agencies.  To this day, I’m still trying to figure out how people can live on government assistance and receive welfare for DECADES and I can’t even manage to get some assistance for 6 months?! But I digress.

I’m not sure how many people really know how frustrating it is to know exactly what you need to succeed, and know exactly what tools and plans you need to succeed, but to be unable to reach that point of success, because you can’t get access to those tools.

I can’t think of what I haven’t tried.  I’ve put several thousand of my own dollars into my current venture, and it’s been financed heavily through credit cards and my own personal funds.  I’m a few weeks away from reaching the “income-generating stage”, and I’ve talked with bankers, non-traditional lenders,  SBA Microlenders, venture capital firms, and friends and family, and none have yielded any POSITIVE results.  I’m convinced at this point, that this is a good business and great opportunity, it just hasn’t gotten the chance to be presented to the RIGHT person.  If I have to live on the streets (or more specifically out of my car), the chances of it being presented to that person are even less.

I don’t post this to whine about my seemingly impending doom, but more so to document the fact that I did try, and when I FINALLY “give up” it won’t be because I didn’t put EVERYTHING I had into trying to make myself successful.

I hear people talk about “not giving up”, but to be quite honest, I get sick of it!  Nobody can tell you how to live your life or how to get through it day-to-day if they can’t offer you a REAL SOLUTION on how to improve it.  People telling me “don’t give up” really does fall on deaf ears, because regardless of what I choose to do, I’ll ultimately end up in this all alone anyway.

Anywhoo, despite the bleakness and continued roadblocks, there’s still this glimmer of HOPE that I have.  HOPE that “my breakthrough is coming”.  HOPE that one of the HUNDREDS of letters and emails I’ve sent to people, looking for assistance will actually net ONE positive result that can help turn things around for the better. HOPE that perhaps, someone who normally wouldn’t, will get caught up in “the spirit of giving” this holiday season, and grant me a chance that to prove that I can do all the things I’ve set out to do and that I’m ready for the opportunity I’ve waited DECADES for.

I guess we’ll see what happens.  Right now, I’m not too hopeful about 2010.  As much as 2008 sucked, I couldn’t have imagined that 2009 would be worse, but it was.  What kills me more than anything is, I don’t have the power to change my own situation.  I’m a solution-oriented person, so if there was ANYTHING I could do to improve or change my situation, I would have done it!  Having to rely on other people is the death-knell to an otherwise ambitious and driven aspiring entrepreneur.

Where is my “fairy Godmother” when I need her?

Not everything is as it seems

Nothing in life is as simple as it seems!

Angry Illusion Faces

If you watch the above images from your seat in front of the computer:

Mr. Angry is on the left, and Mrs.Calm is on the right.

Get up from your seat, and move back 12 feet, and PRESTO!! they switch places!!

It is said this illusion was created by Phillippe G.Schyns and Aude Oliva of the Univ. of Glasgow.

This proves that we may not be seeing what’s actually there, all the time (i.e. the person frowning at you from 12 feet may be smiling!).

It’s a Mad, mad world…..(or is it?).

Why God is into Interracial Dating

If you read my previous post on Why God is a white man, then this next one shouldn’t be too far fetched in logic! LOL.

 

Here’s why I think that God is really into Interracial Dating/Marriage:

First, it has been established (by me) that God is a white man.  But as many Christians know, Jesus (God’s son) had skin of bronze and hair like sheep’s wool.  Now, think logically: HOW DOES A white MAN PULL THAT OFF? I’ll tell you how: WITH A BLACK WOMAN! LMAO.

Now, I know there are some nappy-headed Jews out there, but “skin of bronze” is pretty dark!  So, it got me to thinking: if Jesus is Black (which many people believe that he was), then the only way that could be possible, with God being white, is if his mama was Black!

Think about it: As most Christians will agree: JESUS IS AWESOME! Also, if you analyze this whole situation further, you’ll see that the products of interracial coupling have a tendency to be SUPER AWESOME AS WELL (e.g. Barack Obama, Halle Berry, Tiger Woods, Derek Jeter, etc.).

Ergo: God is white, was into Black chicks, and Jesus was Bi-racial! LOL.

What’s more funny, I’m not really sure if I’m joking with all this!

Why God is a white man

First, if landed on this post hot and bothered, ready to send me scripture along with a scathing retort to my writings: DON’T! Take this for what it is, and keep it moving.

 

If you’re still reading, then here goes:

I believe that God is a white man.  Why? I look at the world.  One thing seems to hold true: No matter who you are, if you’re skin is Black or brown, you’re facing STRIFE regardless of which continent you live on!  More importantly, everywhere you look, people who are white, are in power, and whiteness, is always seen as the preferential to any other cultures or ethnically identifiable traits.

If God made man in his own image, then it just stands to reason that the man he truly molded after himself is a white man.  They’re the most powerful on this earth, and they hold most of the wealth and resources, and keep it at bay from just about everyone else that doesn’t look like them.  In many respects, white men are “God-like” in their ability to change, shape, or end someone’s life (think Bill Gates and 80% of the Congress).

I don’t think “whiteness” is right, or even better, or something that non-whites should strive to attain, but I do think that God made non-white people to suffer on this planet for a reason.  I admit, I’m not sure of the reason, but I do believe all of this has been done by design.

That being said, I believe that there aren’t going to be a lot of white men in Heaven! LOL.  I think seeing a white man in Heaven is going to be FEW and FAR BETWEEN! I think they’ll be an overabundance of non-white people that can barely fathom an existence with dominant white males in charge. Of course, that will be because GOD will be THE dominant white male in charge, and I just get the feeling that, given his vanity and “deity complex”, he’s not gonna be too quick to have much “competition” in the ranks up there! LMAO.

Looking for a Federal Government Job? Let’s talk!

It recently occurred to me that I have a wealth of information about federal job searching that could very much be of use to those who are novices to the process.  With unemployment hitting an all-time high, and the federal government being one of the FEW places that will CONTINUE TO HIRE PEOPLE well into the next few years, this might be a great time for those who are either looking to transition from another field, or just looking for a job that actually has SOME stability.

Right now, I’m not selling anything, nor do I even have a website, but what I’d like to do is possibly create one, and I need the help of federal job seekers.  Thus, if you think you might want to explore federal employment opportunities, and would like some helpful hints and useful information about the process, please CONTACT ME and lets help each other.  I’ll ask you a few questions about how your search is going, or what you’re planning to do once you get started, and you can ask questions about the federal government hiring process, and I’ll help in whatever capacity that I can.

SAVE american Government! Write a Letter!

Six months ago, President Obama stated one of the goals of his Administration was working to cut costs and eliminate waste in the federal government.  He called for the beginning of the painstaking process of examining “every program, every entitlement, every dollar of government spending” and asking the questions: “Is this program really essential?” and “Are taxpayers getting their money’s worth?“.

To this end, he announced the appointment of Jeffrey Zients as Deputy Director for Management in the Office of Management and Budget, where he was also to serve as the first ever “Chief Performance Officer“.  In this capacity, his job would be to work to streamline processes, cut costs, and find best practices throughout our government.

Recently, the federal government gave federal employees, the opportunity to submit their suggestions for government improvement through the Securing Americans Value and Efficiency (SAVE) Award.  Known as “The SAVE Award“, this competition allowed Federal employees to submit their ideas for saving money and making government services more efficient.  Essentially, the SAVE Award is noted as part of the President’s commitment to a line-by-line review of the Federal budget.

As a former Federal employee, I found that I was not eligible to participate in the SAVE Award competition, however, as a taxpayer, registered voter, and private citizen, I felt it was my duty to inform Mr. Zients and President Obama of my suggestions for improvements that are needed for the federal government.  I feel that my opinion, as a former employee, is just as valuable, if not valuable, given that I have an understanding of the federal government’s workforce environment and I’m unrestricted by the threat of a loss of employment if I am candid in my opinion.

I think we should all take the time out of our busy day, and send a letter to Mr. Zients with our own suggestions as to the changes we’d like to see that will make the federal government better.  It’s not just our right, but our duty as taxpaying citizens to insure that our voices are heard.  Thus, I’d like to give you his contact information:

Mr. Jeffrey Zients,  Chief Performance Officer
The Office of Management and Budget
725 17th Street, NW
Washington, DC 20503

I encourage you to let Mr. Zients know what he can do to help improve government performance.  Even if you aren’t a federal employee, you still have valuable insights that he could use as he moves forward is making the government more efficient.

DEFERRED GENIUSES UNITE!

I figure, with damn near DOUBLE DIGIT UNEMPLOYMENT there have got to be MILLIONS of people out there feeling like me!  Not just those that are a part of the “unemployed masses” but those who are REALLY SKILLED, TALENTED, and READY TO WORK, but are under 35 and nobody really cares about them if they’re not pouring coffee at Starbucks!

Yesterday, I saw Michael Moore’s “Capitalism: A Love Story“, and I must say, I thoroughly enjoyed it!  It was very inspiring.  He asked for a CALL TO ACTION to replace capitalism with DEMOCRACY! I thought that was awesome,  and despite what I heard from his critics, it’s not about him promoting “socialism“, though I must say that today I am SIMPLY AMAZED by the number of people who talk about capitalism and socialism and have NO IDEA what either of them really mean, but I digress.

I decided, that I really do want to help people.  It was part of the reason I spent YEARS looking for gainful employment with the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT, and subsequently became part of the reason why I gave up on it, because quite frankly, I could NEVER change the federal government as a “career employee” struggling to make it up the ladder.  That’s just not going to happen!  Plus, the federal government, for all its different agencies still exhibits a RIDICULOUSLY SLOW AND ANTIQUATED ADAPTATION to ANYTHING NEW (even with this here new fangled “21st Century President), and that’s a problem for me. I’M TOO ENTREPRENEURIAL FOR THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT! THEIR LOSS! LOL.

Anywhoo, I’ve turned my attention towards two things I’m very passionate about: SMALL BUSINESS and POLITICS.  One of which I’ve loved for most of my life, and the other I’ve hated until fairly recently, when I realized I  HAVE to to get involved with politics based OUT OF SHEER NECESSITY! Inspired in part by the Debtor’s Revolt that began with an angry Bank of America customer, upset about her astronomical interest rates, I’ve decided to not only join this movement, but take it one step farther.  I’m tired of the members of Congress receiving checks in access of $170,000 a year (as of January 2009, both Senators and Representatives make on average $174,000/year), and passing laws and legislation that effects REAL AMERICANS who only make A FRACTION of that, given that the median salary for our households are around $50,000!

I’m a part of that sector of america doing WORSE THAN MOST.  Over the past five years, I’ve had an average annual salary of about $11,000, as a result of frequent periods of unemployment and underemployment, despite the fact that I clearly have the skills, drive, knowledge, and abilities to be doing much better.  I thought about this, and I thought about the AGGRESSIVE job search I’ve been doing over the last couple of years, and how fruitless it’s been.  Clerical jobs and other “part-time gigs” that don’t even allow me to pay for the gas it takes to work at them!  RIDICULOUS! I realized recently, the answer to this is not re-tooling or changing my job search strategies, it’s putting the skills I KNOW I have to good use, and CREATING A JOB OR MYSELF! For some, this is a scary thought, but for me, I look forward to the challenges and rewards of entrepreneurship!

That being said, I realize that I have to be VERY proactive with my plans, given that I’ll be running out of unemployment checks soon.  The small amount that I do get, I put towards keeping a roof over my head and working to make this business work!  After seeing Michael Moore’s movie, he inspired me to add something else to my amazingly talented repertoire: POLITICS.  I’ve always had a disdain for politics, because I don’t think you can be truthful, honest, forthright, and genuine as a politician.  The “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” nature of politicians is a PROBLEM as it breeds the corruption that we see running rampant throughout our country!  What I can do to combat this AND make sure I don’t become a part of the problem is: BECOME A CHAMPION FOR THE PEOPLE! As much as I like Barack Obama, he ran on what appeared to be a “movement of the people“, but it was still mostly financed by corporations!  I feel ANY TIME you accept corporate donations, you are beholden to them, and the truth of the matter is, it’s just human nature that you DON’T go against your own interests!  Thus, I believe that members of the GENERAL PUBLIC should fund my campaign, and I will accept donations from that public when the time comes.

This isn’t just some “flight by night” notion I got after seeing a great documentary.  This was something that was stirring around in my head since I travelled to Washington, D.C., wrote many letters and made many calls, and wasn’t able to meet with ANY members of Congress in any substantive way!  I understand they’re busy (we all are), but something is VERY WRONG when ELECTED OFFICIALS can’t find 15 minutes to meet/speak with a VOTING TAXPAYER!  I THINK THE U.S. CONGRESS IS TOO FAR REMOVED FROM THE REAL ISSUES EFFECTING REGULAR AMERICANS, THUS IT’S TIME THEY BE VOTED OUT!

To that end: I WANT TO BE VOTED IN! Here’s how I plan to do it using tactics that have helped many small business grow and flourish along their way to success.  There are a few locations where I have familial ties, but the truth of the matter is “I’m a nomad“.  I don’t really have roots anywhere (based in part because I’ve been unable to find a damn job) and as such: I can RELOCATE ANYWHERE.  I’d like for people who really want to see REAL CHANGE in their community to INVITE ME to their district/state to be the catalyst and the face of a NEW MOVEMENT! I’m not trying to be the president! I’m not trying to get into this so I can worm my way into a cushy corporate job once I finish my term!  I’m TRYING TO HELP PEOPLE, and as an educated, articulate person, I believe I can do that. I don’t have a law degree, but I can read and understand even the most complex subjects AND I have the ability to relay those topics to varied audiences in a way to help EVERYBODY understand.  I sure think that’s something that’s missing in american politics!

I’ll spend the next few months working to get other DEFERRED GENIUSES like myself behind this initiative, but this can’t happen with JUST ME.  There have GOT TO BE OTHER PEOPLE FEELING THIS WAY WHO WANT TO REALLY MAKE A DIFFERENCE! We can, if we work together!

If 1% of americans holds MOST of the country’s wealth, then it becomes incumbent upon the 99% with the VOTING RIGHTS to make sure they exercise them and get some JUSTICE FOR ALL!