The Tough Get Going…
I realize that life isn’t supposed to be easy. I also know that starting and running a business is hard. Here lately, I’ve been running into even more adversity as I’m trying to start a business with NO MONEY. I HAD money. And surely have invested it into my venture to date, but I’ve run out of it. I’m literally at the point where I don’t know how I’m going to keep a roof over my head, nor where my next meal is coming from (ok, the meal part is a bit metaphoric, since I do have food in the fridge, but you get the gist).
Anywhoo, the intent of this post is not to lament my various financial shortcoming and the impending implosion of the “financial house of cards” that is my life, but more so to talk about encouragement, or THE LACK THERE OF.
A few months ago, I read a quote by Futurist Sir Arthur Charles Clarke that said (paraphrased):
Every revolutionary idea evokes three stages of reaction:
1) “It’s completely impossible, don’t waste your time”.
2) “It’s possible, but it’s not worth doing”.
3) “I said it was a good idea all along”.
I’m convinced that my current business venture is one of those “Revolutionary Ideas” that could “change the game” and I’m partly convinced by that based on the reactions I’ve gotten from people. When I first started out, people told me I was wasting my time, and I’d be better off just finding a job and working for someone else. Then, after I kept at it, they said it was a good idea, but either discouraged me from pursuing it, or encouraged me to pick it back up 10-15 years from now. Since I’ve currently hit the “make or break point” of my aspiring plans, the final phrase has yet to be uttered.
I’m a pretty resilient person. I’m strong-willed and determined to succeed despite what others tell me. It’s the ONLY way I’ve been able to get to where I am today (though admittedly, for many, where I am NOW isn’t all that impressive). I’ve “cheated death” twice, and never saw a picture of myself beyond the age off 21, yet here I am a decade later, presumably still going strong.
I can get up every day, look in the mirror, and feel confident about myself, and the way I look, and the way I carry myself, and know that I’m comfortable in my own skin. I’m finding, as time progresses, this is really all for naught, because when I leave my home, and have to interact with others, it’s becoming all too apparent that they are seeing something else. And it’s not just something I’m projecting, but something that’s being projected onto me because of people and their own discomfort with themselves. That last line not making any sense? Not surprising. I don’t even think people are aware of this themselves, as people rarely look that deep into their own psyches.
But moving on to the purpose behind this post. I feel good about myself and my abilities, but it’s a damn daunting task getting up every day, and working towards a goal that no one really believes that you can achieve, and not having ONE PERSON to really and truly support you in the way that you need them to. I have SELF-ESTEEM. In fact, I think I’m pretty damn GREAT, but it would sure be nice if other people could see that too. And I don’t need people to “worship” me, or give me false praise about my accomplishments or achievements, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say I would appreciate more people giving me TRUE POSITIVE ENCOURAGEMENT, instead of people pointing out 1000 reasons why everything I’m trying is going to fail!
Day after day, person after person, everyone has the same line: GIVE UP! Ten years ago, I could let those negative comments and expressions of discouragement roll off my back with ease, but now I’m finding that every put down, every negative comment, every deconstruction of a plan that I’ve set, is taking its toll. It’s much harder these days to get up and face the world, much less the gloomy prospects of trying to grow a business with no money, and no access to friends, relatives, or acquaintances with money (or at least none willing to part with it).
Today I was given more “bad advice” about what I should do with my future. I’ve been advised to sell drug, prostitute, bootleg movies, rob old people, and tell BETTER lies to the government in order to receive “public assistance“. I’ve been encouraged to default on all my bills, close my checking accounts, change my phone numbers, and “live on the lam” for “however long it takes“. I can now say consistently, that I continually receive negative to positive comments on a 6 negative to 1 positive basis. What makes the positive comment LESS effective is that whenever I do get one, it’s from someone who doesn’t know me, and they’re just sending along well-wishes because it’s the polite thing to do.
I’m not sure if people know how disheartening it is to have the people closest to you bash you, while strangers are nice to you. I realized a long time ago, that strangers can be nicer than kin. It’s antithetical to how I was raised, but I’ve surely found it to be true. In fact, I’m not SOLELY “depending on the kindness of strangers” because in lieu of no bank ever giving me a business loan, the only thing I have is the hope that some “angel investor” will swoop in, and give me the chance that only an “angel” could.
They say, “when the going gets tough, the tough get going“, but I wonder: How far are the tough supposed to go?
Honestly…I’m running out of gas!
At the Intersection of HOPE and DESPAIR
In thinking about the name “Genius Deferred“, it was quite fitting that my location be “At the Intersection of HOPE and DESPAIR“. After months of trying to make something of myself, and trying to CREATE A JOB as opposed to FIND A JOB with someone else, my back is now against the wall. I have no more capital to put into my business, but more importantly, I have no more money to pay my bills and rent. Essentially, in a few short weeks, I’ll be homeless and there isn’t much I can do to avoid this situation, and it won’t be for a lack of trying.
Some people have informed me of some social welfare programs that are out there, and I’m looking into them, but I don’t have a history of positive results from those agencies. To this day, I’m still trying to figure out how people can live on government assistance and receive welfare for DECADES and I can’t even manage to get some assistance for 6 months?! But I digress.
I’m not sure how many people really know how frustrating it is to know exactly what you need to succeed, and know exactly what tools and plans you need to succeed, but to be unable to reach that point of success, because you can’t get access to those tools.
I can’t think of what I haven’t tried. I’ve put several thousand of my own dollars into my current venture, and it’s been financed heavily through credit cards and my own personal funds. I’m a few weeks away from reaching the “income-generating stage”, and I’ve talked with bankers, non-traditional lenders, SBA Microlenders, venture capital firms, and friends and family, and none have yielded any POSITIVE results. I’m convinced at this point, that this is a good business and great opportunity, it just hasn’t gotten the chance to be presented to the RIGHT person. If I have to live on the streets (or more specifically out of my car), the chances of it being presented to that person are even less.
I don’t post this to whine about my seemingly impending doom, but more so to document the fact that I did try, and when I FINALLY “give up” it won’t be because I didn’t put EVERYTHING I had into trying to make myself successful.
I hear people talk about “not giving up”, but to be quite honest, I get sick of it! Nobody can tell you how to live your life or how to get through it day-to-day if they can’t offer you a REAL SOLUTION on how to improve it. People telling me “don’t give up” really does fall on deaf ears, because regardless of what I choose to do, I’ll ultimately end up in this all alone anyway.
Anywhoo, despite the bleakness and continued roadblocks, there’s still this glimmer of HOPE that I have. HOPE that “my breakthrough is coming”. HOPE that one of the HUNDREDS of letters and emails I’ve sent to people, looking for assistance will actually net ONE positive result that can help turn things around for the better. HOPE that perhaps, someone who normally wouldn’t, will get caught up in “the spirit of giving” this holiday season, and grant me a chance that to prove that I can do all the things I’ve set out to do and that I’m ready for the opportunity I’ve waited DECADES for.
I guess we’ll see what happens. Right now, I’m not too hopeful about 2010. As much as 2008 sucked, I couldn’t have imagined that 2009 would be worse, but it was. What kills me more than anything is, I don’t have the power to change my own situation. I’m a solution-oriented person, so if there was ANYTHING I could do to improve or change my situation, I would have done it! Having to rely on other people is the death-knell to an otherwise ambitious and driven aspiring entrepreneur.
Where is my “fairy Godmother” when I need her?
Not everything is as it seems
Nothing in life is as simple as it seems!
If you watch the above images from your seat in front of the computer:
Mr. Angry is on the left, and Mrs.Calm is on the right.
Get up from your seat, and move back 12 feet, and PRESTO!! they switch places!!
It is said this illusion was created by Phillippe G.Schyns and Aude Oliva of the Univ. of Glasgow.
This proves that we may not be seeing what’s actually there, all the time (i.e. the person frowning at you from 12 feet may be smiling!).
It’s a Mad, mad world…..(or is it?).
Why God is into Interracial Dating
If you read my previous post on Why God is a white man, then this next one shouldn’t be too far fetched in logic! LOL.
Here’s why I think that God is really into Interracial Dating/Marriage:
First, it has been established (by me) that God is a white man. But as many Christians know, Jesus (God’s son) had skin of bronze and hair like sheep’s wool. Now, think logically: HOW DOES A white MAN PULL THAT OFF? I’ll tell you how: WITH A BLACK WOMAN! LMAO.
Now, I know there are some nappy-headed Jews out there, but “skin of bronze” is pretty dark! So, it got me to thinking: if Jesus is Black (which many people believe that he was), then the only way that could be possible, with God being white, is if his mama was Black!
Think about it: As most Christians will agree: JESUS IS AWESOME! Also, if you analyze this whole situation further, you’ll see that the products of interracial coupling have a tendency to be SUPER AWESOME AS WELL (e.g. Barack Obama, Halle Berry, Tiger Woods, Derek Jeter, etc.).
Ergo: God is white, was into Black chicks, and Jesus was Bi-racial! LOL.
What’s more funny, I’m not really sure if I’m joking with all this!
Why God is a white man
First, if landed on this post hot and bothered, ready to send me scripture along with a scathing retort to my writings: DON’T! Take this for what it is, and keep it moving.
If you’re still reading, then here goes:
I believe that God is a white man. Why? I look at the world. One thing seems to hold true: No matter who you are, if you’re skin is Black or brown, you’re facing STRIFE regardless of which continent you live on! More importantly, everywhere you look, people who are white, are in power, and whiteness, is always seen as the preferential to any other cultures or ethnically identifiable traits.
If God made man in his own image, then it just stands to reason that the man he truly molded after himself is a white man. They’re the most powerful on this earth, and they hold most of the wealth and resources, and keep it at bay from just about everyone else that doesn’t look like them. In many respects, white men are “God-like” in their ability to change, shape, or end someone’s life (think Bill Gates and 80% of the Congress).
I don’t think “whiteness” is right, or even better, or something that non-whites should strive to attain, but I do think that God made non-white people to suffer on this planet for a reason. I admit, I’m not sure of the reason, but I do believe all of this has been done by design.
That being said, I believe that there aren’t going to be a lot of white men in Heaven! LOL. I think seeing a white man in Heaven is going to be FEW and FAR BETWEEN! I think they’ll be an overabundance of non-white people that can barely fathom an existence with dominant white males in charge. Of course, that will be because GOD will be THE dominant white male in charge, and I just get the feeling that, given his vanity and “deity complex”, he’s not gonna be too quick to have much “competition” in the ranks up there! LMAO.
